Love Waits on Us

Some time ago at my local congregation we had Servant Sunday. This is a common practice in many churches, but it is a Sunday that sparks a lot of feelings in me that I would rather not have. When I didn’t attend as my husband was playing at a church from a different denomination, part of me felt relieved and part of me felt guilty that I felt that way for it is a Sunday where we say what we are going to do to support the community.

On Servant Sunday, often we have quite a few choices as to how we can contribute. Many of us take on a lot of different roles from cleaning the church to overseeing the finances. However, increasingly I have become aware of how hard it is for us as we age to keep on doing the things we have always done. I ache for those who voluntarily have taken on the heavy burden of trying to keep the church running from making sure bathrooms are clean to overseeing the entire church plant with its multiple buildings. I groan for the ministers who are trying their best to serve the many people in their care. My concern is for us all so when I was able to avoid that day, I gladly did so as I did not want to have to face my awkward feelings.

However, the Spirit seems to have a way of coming to us at unexpected moments. At the ‘other’ church, during the service I suddenly realised I was not ‘there’, for I had not been concentrating on the words. I zeroed back in and focused on the reading from Joshua 24:19-24 and then breathed…. Wow, Lord, is this really in Scripture?

Joshua spoke truth to the people. He said, “You are not able to serve the Lord” but the people would not hear him! “No!”, they said emphatically, “we will serve the Lord.” We want to serve the Lord but like the people under Joshua’s leadership we often serve from mixed motives. Our image of Abba is often of one who will not forgive us if we fail, or we do not do what is being asked of us. We make idols of foreign gods: the god of security and safety that wants to keep the status quo; the god of power and control; and the god of affirmation or approval. I’m not saying that we haven’t loving motives, it is just that we are human!

Joshua went on to say, “You are witnesses against yourselves that you have chosen to serve the Lord.” We witness against ourselves! When I am self-consciously serving, I often end up in a heap because I know at a deeper level, I just want to belong and be valued.

Love waits on us inside our house and wants to break through our walls! It is only then that we have the possibility of forgetting ourselves and becoming aware of who is serving whom. It is often in hindsight, after our nights of doubt, regret, uncertainty and fearfulness, that we are able to say thank-you for the way we have been served by Love. The people under Joshua’s leadership probably only began to serve after they failed at it, time and time again.

Father Laurence Freeman wrote, “Most religious and other problems arise because we want to be the first to love. We want to be the giver of a gift. Real wisdom as well as real humility (which is the only wisdom) shows us that first it is necessary to learn to be loved before we can love, and to receive before we can give. Learning to receive the gift requires everything that we’ve got to give. There is no half-way in receiving a gift. Everything we have got has to be open to the gift.” Maybe contemplative prayer would help open us up and break down our walls so that we are able to receive the gift of our lives, Christ in us!